This is day 12 of our 18 day positive parenting course
Yelling is a habit. If you are a yeller then chances are one of your parents was a yeller too. For some of us yelling comes naturally and we don’t even give it much thought.
Have you ever tried talking softer rather than louder? Suddenly your kids actually listen. They give you more respect and pay more attention to you when you use a stern voice rather than when you simply yell. If necessary, move closer so that they can hear you.
Start a new “no yelling” rule at home. This rule applies to both children and parents. Here are 10 tips to help you make it happen!
- Take a minute to remember how you felt when someone yelled at you. How would you feel if your boss yelled at you? Sometimes we forget how hurtful it feels and what it does to your child’s sense of self-worth. Next time you are about to yell remember how you felt and how your child will feel.
- Think about the future. Yelling can cause emotional damage. A study of 967 families found that harsh verbal discipline used to correct or control behavior can be harmful later on in life.
- Once you have decided that you want to stop yelling you can use this as an opportunity to show your kids how to make changes in their lives and how to stop bad habits. If they see that you are setting yourself goals and trying to make changes then it will be easier for them to do it as well. After all, we want our kids to know that none of us are perfect but what is important is for us to acknowledge our problems and find a way to solve them. Starting a no yelling policy will not only improve the atmosphere at home but it will show them how you work towards goals and help them the next time they decide to make a change in their lives. Moreover, once you have told your kids that you are making an effort to stop yelling it will be more difficult not to implement it since you will want to set a good example. If your children yell back at you and their siblings then make this a family goal and emphasize that it is a goal every family member is working towards.
- Next time you want to yell, take a deep breath, count to 10 and think about how to phrase what you want to say. Use the right words to get the point across instead of yelling. When you talk before you think you often say things that you could have phrased in a more effective and less hurtful manner. You can still use a firm approach without yelling. Not yelling does not mean that you cannot be firm.In most cases, waiting to respond will actually be helpful since the situation often settles down.
- You can come up with a family signal that signifies to whoever is yelling that they should calm down and talk in a normal tone of voice. Be consistent! It isn’t easy but eventually you will get used to it and all family members will stop yelling. You can use a whistle or flag or any other signal that works for you and your family.
- When you yell or want to yell stop and try to understand what you are feeling and what triggered this response. Are you stressed, hungry or angry? Try and understand exactly what you are feeling so that you can solve the problem and not the symptom.
- Our job as parents is to give our children the tools that they will need to handle stress and difficult situations in the future. The best way to provide them with these tools is to show them how you react under pressure. Do you want them to see yelling as a solution or would you prefer that they find more effective solutions. Think of the new “no yelling policy” as just another way to set a great example for your child! Have you ever told your child to stop yelling at a sibling? Do you yell? What example are you setting?
- Yelling is a habit and can be changed like most habits with time and consistency. The first step is acknowledging that it yelling is a problem and that you want to change it. Once you have done that you are one step ahead.
- If you have been yelling for years then chances are you won’t stop in a day. Old habits are hard to break but they can be broken. It takes time, effort and perseverance. Once you have decided to break the yelling habit why not start a 21 day program to stop yelling. Decide how many people will be participating in this challenge. Will it be just you, you and your partner or the entire family? Once you have decided how many people will be participating then print out a printable for that many people (1, 2, 3, 4, 5). Fill out each person’s name on each line. To make the challenge fun you decide on the rules but here are two possible options: 1. Whenever someone yells you mark the chart and at the end of the 21 days whoever has the least marks on the chart is the winner. 2. Whenever someone goes an entire day without yelling they get a mark on their chart and at the end of the 21 days whoever has the most marks is the winner. The winner gets to choose a fun activity for the entire family to do together.
- Make a “No Yelling” poster and hang it in places where you find yourself yelling.
To print the “No Yelling” posters just click on the poster. If you want to change the text then click on “customize” below. You can type any text that you want instead of “No Yelling”. You can move the text around, make it smaller or bigger or even add additional text (by clicking on the “A”) or add an image (by clicking on the image icon). When you are ready to print either download as an image or as a PDF document or just print.
This is Day 12 of our positive parenting course: How to be a better parent in 18 days. Not yet signed up?